On Our Future Muslim Overlords

From the cubicles in the bowels of the GSA to the filing drawers of your local city council, there is a threat growing in America the likes of which we have not seen since the communist infiltrated 1950s: Muslims! Yes, you can scream.

But, have no fear little Johnny, there is a rag-tag group of heroes fighting the good fight against this menace: ACT! for America (ACT! is:  [A]merican [C]ongress for [T]ruth [!]!!1!). Personally, I think ACT! is fighting a hopelessly impossible fight, and I am writing this to officially pledge my unwavering support to our future Muslim leaders.

Your Mission, Younis, Should You Choose to Accept It

ACT! for America is one of a number of anti-Muslim groups in the United States. The thrust of their agenda is that they are, well, anti-Muslim. However, this is not how they tell the story. According to them, Muslims are threatening to destroy the American way of life and replace it with Sharia law.

According to the ACT! about page, Muslims are using a number of tactics to achieve victory: “violent jihad, stealth jihad, the advance of sharia law, the influence of the Muslim Brotherhood, [and] the scourge of political correctness which is enabling the rise of radical Islam….”

A quick aside, there are 5 kinds of jihad in Islam: (1) Violent Jihad, (2) Stealth Jihad, (3) Hyper Jihad, (4) Hyper Jihad, Championship Edition, and (5) Polka Jihad. This last kind of jihad, invented by Mohammad Omar bin Stanislawski, is only practiced by Czech and Polish Muslim specialists.

The خ‘s and و‘s on the Chalkboard

According to sources in my imagination, here is the plan Muslims are implementing to take down the American way of life:

Step 1: Infiltrate America by specifically targeting all levels of government, the military, reality television, hit ABC dramas, and the Black community.

Step 2: Initiate a strategically and well orchestrated application of all 5 types of jihad.

Step 3: Replace American way of life with Sharia law. Whoomp, there it is.

As you can see, this plan is air tight. Have you ever wondered what you get when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? You get the Muslim plan. If you’re still not getting it, think of it this way: the Muslim plan is like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, only, the Muslims are putting IN Sharia law.

Clear? Good.

Good Ole’ Rocky Top

Ground Zero for the Muslim takeover is the great state of Tennessee. This location was chosen because Muslims hate Pat Summitt. In response, Tennessee has become a hotbed for ACT! membership. In fact, though it is headquartered in Virginia, the largest regional chapter is in Tennessee.

In fact, the Tennessee ACT!-ivtists have had some recent success, including getting a bill passed that prevents foreign laws from being used by state courts. This is hugely important. The leader of the Middle Tennessee chapter of ACT!, Daniel Bergman, lays bare why it so important. The Tennessean article quotes Bergman saying, “The imposition of Shariah law, which is the objective of the Muslim Brotherhood and the Islamists in this country, is that I become a second-class citizen…. If I don’t get killed first.”

This is fact. Section 2, Subsection A of Sharia law states “If imposed in his land of residence, Daniel Bergman will be made into a second-class citizen… if he doesn’t get killed first.” So, you can see why he is concerned.

Foiled in the Courts

Though ACT! has seen some success in getting legislation passed, their efforts have been dulled by opponents. The original wording of the Tennessee law referenced above made explicit reference to forbidding Sharia law. However, that wording was removed when deluded, politically correct Muslim apologists like the United States Constitution started voicing their opinions. Of course, this won’t stop ACT! and their fellow anti-Muslim cohorts. According to Frank Gaffney, Muslims “should be arrested and tried as traitors if they follow any part of Sharia law.”

This is a great idea, a truly great idea. Think about it, Sharia law forbids imbibing alcohol. So, Muslims in Gaffney’s America would need to be downing beers every waking minute lest they be branded traitors. Likewise, Sharia law requires the maintenance of teeth. In Gaffney’s America, a Muslim is a traitorous criminal if he brushes his teeth. Genius. Sheer genius.

The Sobering Truth

All joking aside, this is really scary. ACT!, and similar anti-Muslim groups, are targeting a specific religious minority for legal oppression, and they do it in the name of preventing legal oppression. Most frightening is that they do not see this inconsistency. They completely lack the self-awareness to see that they are acting like the non-existent Muslim scourge they fear.

Yes, there are extremist, fundamentalist Muslims willing to perform heinous acts in the name of their religion. They’re not cool. They’re also very rare, especially in the United States. Kinda like extremist, fundamentalist Christians. You know, the ones that kill doctors for performing legal, medical procedures. They’re not cool. They, too, are very rare.

But, instead of branching out and being welcoming, groups like ACT! for America insulate themselves and feed on their own conspiracy. As the Tennessean article explains, the movement “appeals to Bible Belt Christians, who fear that Islam and secularization threaten their way of life….” Islam and secularization? The two are mutually exclusive by definition. There is as much Islam in secularism as there is Wu Tang Clan in things to fuck with. In reality, they believe that anything not overtly promoting conservative Christianity is anti-Christian.

By insulating themselves, they let self-reinforcing conspiracy and fear circulate without outside feedback. They fight their fight using the exact same tactics they accuse Muslims of using. It is scary and worrying.  And it needs to be opposed. So, the next time you hear about the opening of a Muslim community center or Mosque being opposed, speak out and show your support.

Of course, I may be a paid misinformant, and everything I just wrote may have been designed to lull you into submission. Here’s a polka:

(Hat Tip to Friendly Atheist)


One comment

  1. abjectbooks · September 19, 2012

    I would have gone with “She’s Too Fat For Me,” but maybe nobody’s put this on YouTube?

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