On the Warfare I Face…Apparently

There’s a pretty good chance that you (yes, you) are crushing my masculinity under the heel of your shoe. You should feel ashamed. I know this because I recently received an open message from A Few Grown Men about men and the warfare they face. I’m generally a nonviolent person, but when warfare faces me, I face back.

What atrocity has occurred to warrant the claim that war has been declared on masculinity? Some women left negative comments on a Men’s Health article. I know, I can barely contain my rage, too.

Of course, this is only the latest salvo in a string of unprovoked attacks from the anti-masculinists. Remember the Promise Keepers? They were “met with criticism and distain [sic] by the media and women (even Christian women).  They were portrayed as men getting together to plot and scheme with some ulterior motive to dominate or control women, putting them back under the thumb of oppression.” I mean, read this viewpoint from NOW. It’s like NOW literally fired missiles at masculinity. Literally.

More recently, some unnamed Christian conference for men has been “heavily lambasted by Christian men and women in the media as being chauvinistic and rather stupid.” You probably thought the Rwandan genocide was evil. Then, someone called a Christian Men’s conference “rather stupid.” Perspective is a harsh mistress, ain’t she?

These anti-masculinist acts of aggression aim to “keep men ashamed of themselves” and to “keep them docile.” Why is this the anti-masculinist agenda? Because “docile men are easy to control. We’ve raised a generation of docile sons and we now call them slackers.” Which reminds me: men, don’t smoke pot. It is an anti-masculinist tool used to keep you docile and turn you into a slacker.

What is the motivation behind making men easy to control? That’s not made clear. But let’s face it, this is warfare. Does it matter? Unrelated events have been cobbled together showing that the smallest of insults may have been leveled at a vague characteristic by a non-specific enemy. If that is not a reason to take up arms, I don’t know what is.

If you’re not enraged by this, you’re not a man! If you’re not proudly a man, you’re not a man! And I want you to remember that no bastard has ever won a war by slacking off at his conference. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard slack off at his conference.

You, in the back, you seem timid. It’s like I haven’t convinced you that you face warfare because you’re a man. Fine, consider this story about the vandalism and assault from women marching in Argentina. They attacked Catholic cathedrals and assaulted the men trying to protect the buildings by spraying them with paint and drawing on their faces with markers. Were these acts designed to make men docile? No. Were they in protest of masculinity? No. But now is not the time to waste an opportunity to exploit a good photo op.

So, masculinists, remember: don’t be ashamed to be a man. You earned the right to be a man. Together, we will win the war on the warfare we face. Now, I want to leave with the closing words of Rick Johnson, the author of the open letter, or should I say, call to arms:

“Guys don’t buy into it.  You need other men in your life.  Learn from them what healthy (and unhealthy) masculinity looks like.  And when you make mistakes (which you will) learn from them and don’t be ashamed.  If you are not making mistakes (and getting criticized by someone), you’re not accomplishing anything.”

Wait, so all of these “attacks” on masculinity are to be expected? A healthy masculinity listens to these critiques, sublimates the information, and grows from it? Men will make mistakes and should learn from them?


Well, I guess the war on the warfare we face is off. Timbers pre-seaon doesn’t start for another few months. I guess I’ll re-watch Orange is the New Black.

Other Thoughts:

*Sorry, Michelle, I couldn’t resist.

* Truthfully, the actions of the protesters in Argentina should be condemned, but pretending like they are part of some war on masculinity is pathetic.

*Speaking of pathetic: spending a few hundred words cataloging various examples of people (kinda, sorta) offering criticisms of masculinity, calling that warfare, then saying “healthy masculinity” accepts its criticisms and learns from them is shockingly pathetic. It also shows a complete lack of self-reflection.


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