On Beating a Horse When It’s an Easy Target (or Some Other Mixed Metaphor)

Every once in a while, for a laugh, I have to visit the A Few Grown Men page at Patheos. I’ve gone there before, a couple times, and I’ll acknowledge they can be an easy target. But come on:

“Here are three small things you can do any time of year to make men feel at home:

1. Don’t load a man’s hands when he enters the sanctuary.

Have you ever noticed how women pick things up and carry them around? Men usually don’t. This is because men are hunters – women are gatherers. Women love to scoop things up but men want their hands free in case they need to defend themselves or kill a wild animal.

Church #1 didn’t understand this principle. The moment I entered the church I was met by greeters with cookies and cider.”

Apparently, I’m an unusual man because I will happily choose the place that hands out free cookies and cider. In the unlikely event that a wild animal should jump out at me with my hands full of delicious sundries, I would toss the cider into the beasts eyes, kick it while it is off-balance due to sudden blindness, take a bite of my cookie, and then use my obviously superior fighting skills to intimidate the beast into leaving.

Wait, let me check my crotch…..yup, manhood intact.

Hooah!

Oh, and yes, I have noticed a veritable plague of women standing around, unable to do anything, because they’ve swooped everything up into their hands. It’s hurting the economy, ladies, so stop it.

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7 comments

  1. N. E. White · February 4, 2014

    Too funny! But that is so sad that site even exists.

  2. Ruth · February 4, 2014

    I was trying to figure out if this was for real or satire. But then I started eating the delicious cookies and drinking the cider that I’ve delightfully filled my hands with and forgot what he was saying.

    • thecaveatlector · February 4, 2014

      I would be very happy to discover the site was a brilliant bit of satire; however, like most things, cookies and cider will have to do.

      • Ruth · February 4, 2014

        Sadly, I don’t think that it is. It is a bit of irony that such an immature sounding post would come from a site called A Few Grown Men. This must be referring to the other three contributors.

      • thecaveatlector · February 4, 2014

        Now you’re just being generous.

      • Ruth · February 4, 2014

        ‘Tis my gift!

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